So! With the advent of a new 365 days looming upon the horizon, I thought that I’d talk about 2007 and…well whatever new years calls to mind.
New Years have always been a sort of foreign thing to me…always conveying a sort of foreign feeling. The concept of time has always been rather mind blowing and even with the prospect of ending time….well thats just weird! Applying that to calenders and years and all that sort of established time…its always foreign to me. A year has ended and in the way that it is measured, another 365 days of my life have ended.
Years seem to act like markers in our life based on the rotation and orbital pattern of the Earth in relation to the Sun. But its much more than just that right? Humanity has a flaw in that we read too much into everything. Our brethren creatures on this Earth could care less that 365 days have passed…yet I think as the human species, arbitrary to all other life forms, we are entitled to wonder and discover as to what, how, and why….so what is this concept of a New Year?
Personally its all a matter of opinion. New Year’s to some is just another phase in life. Some think it as unimportant…pointless and just, as I said, a marker in time. Some thought find it time to clean the slate of the dirt, crap, lines of cocaine, and madness that just sullies the shiny marble surface. New Year’s in that sense is a big Mr. Clean Magic Eraser that rubs all that shit away.
To me? I believe that it is a time of reflection of the past rather than the destruction of those memories. Its not really a time to tell oneself that “Hey, I’ve done a load of terrible, ridiculous, and stupid shit. Time to clean it all away without looking back at it.” Well, what’s the point of cleaning the shit out of that marble surface if you don’t learn to keep the flour and the eggs in the mixing bowl? That is the serious flaw in the new slate plan…it just doesn’t work! Clean it, and you’ll end up making the same mess again.
So I’d like to think about all the stupid shit that I’ve done in the past 2007 year…
On January 1st, 2007, I made a rather short and to the point blog on xanga that states:
“New Years and I feel lonely as hell. Thats never a good way to start a year.”
haha…well I guess I can understand why I felt that way…at that point (and for like….nearly the entire year!) I had not gotten over the reason of the break up with a girl that I met through a theater production that I was involved in…and thinking about that…I have to admit to myself that it was one of my more pathetic personal struggles…but it really was a personal struggle though!
The battle I was fighting was not something that was against an onslaught unleashed by the world…but really it was something that came from myself. I think that what I was fighting was that childish feeling that compelled me to do what I did…it was that feeling that compelled me to feel what I felt…and truth is that I was unjustified to feel that way…and I think that it was that feeling that I have been denying as a truth in my life.
Funny enough, my entire end of senior year and through to the start of college was time on and off fighting that feeling. But those are bygone days…I grew up when I came to terms with how I felt and told myself that those days aren’t what shapes me now. What shapes me now is my present actions and my belief and resolve in my actions and thoughts.
I don’t want to write anymore about my past because…you know, I think this year has not held such pain and dissonance really…I think that the biggest thing that has happened to me is just…well I think that I’ve grown up. I’ve opened my mind and I can confidently say that I have shown my true colors as an artist by nature…maybe not so much in skill but I feel like I can confidently think as one…and I think that is my real to me being a better person than I was not 365 days ago. Its nice to have closure and understand that the way I am now…really just leads to fairing better than the bygone days. Its nice to understand that a New Year will ring in a life that I have come to terms with and am actually pleased with!
So! All in all, I welcome the New Year with open arms. My life is on track and I have no regrets that I wish to carry over from 2007 to 2008. I feel that I have grown and I feel that I am continuing to grow. Ahead I feel are optimistic times and that reward does not come without failure and that failure does not come without reward as well. To fail is to be human and I realize that failure is not meant to be feared, but rather it should be welcomed. The quicker that it hits you hard, the more time you have to recover from the reeling effects.
So 2008, here I come! I’m seeing myself in a new light, and if you have shit to throw at me, by all means do so because I’m waiting with a baseball bat to just hit it back at ya!
Hope your 2008 is beautiful, inspiring, beneficial, surprising, fantastic…all that jazz. Take it easy 2007, cause you can go fuck yourself.
